So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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