It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
