And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
