How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
