just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize