i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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