Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
