why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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