Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
