I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
