Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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