He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
