totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
