if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My vagina is officially offended.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
