is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
