She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
