WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
