So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I DEMAND FORESKIN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
