dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
