i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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