Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
