You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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