You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
