in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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