I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
