i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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