Cold hands, warm shart.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
