He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
