my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She bit a glass in half.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
