she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
