the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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