he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize