my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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