I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
