So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
