they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me I should be a condom model.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
