you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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