Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
