Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
