The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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