Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I touched a dick in church today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
