this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
