dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize