i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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