and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
