cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
