Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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