that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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