I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
