i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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