At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
