Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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