dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
