So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
