I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
