o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
