Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
