quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
