i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am one with the molecules
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
