Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.