Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!