Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
