He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
